the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize