So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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