what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize