i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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