I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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