I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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