She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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