I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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