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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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