oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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