god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have aggressive nipples.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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