I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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