This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Congratulations! We have a period
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