My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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