I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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