Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize