I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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