My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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