Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize