It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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