Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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