i just had sex bonerless
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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