Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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