I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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