i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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