Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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