i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
