He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
