I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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