I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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