1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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