operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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