I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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