Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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