3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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