It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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