Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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