Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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