Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize