No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize