The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize