3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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