Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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