mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
there is glitter all over my balls
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