You smell like stripper and shame
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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