I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm like, not good at living.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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