i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A+ Viking dick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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