I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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