Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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