He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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